The Great Physician

It amazes me how fast we give up on God.  When He doesn’t “come through” on our time frame or operate under our expectations, we throw up our hands and say “Oh well, wasn’t meant to be” or “must not be God’s will for me” or some other excuse that we come up with that causes us to give up on God’s word, which, by the way, is His truth.  In a way, it’s giving up on God Himself.

Healing is one of the biggest and most divisive subjects in the church that this happens with all the time.  We, as the church, have failed in so many ways regarding this issue.  We have made up bad doctrine and false theologies out of our failures and then tell people “well, it must be God’s will for you to be sick then, oh He is chastening you because you’re in sin, He’s working out a character flaw, He’s testing your faith”…etc. etc…insert unscriptural diatribe here…..  (I could write a whole dissertation on THAT subject, like if it’s God’s will for you to be sick, then don’t pray it away or seek a doctor because then you’d be in rebellion, refuting Paul’s thorn and Job’s boils, but that’s for another day….)

However, they will then quickly go to a doctor and will follow THEIR directions and instructions to the T.  They’ll take the medicine religiously; they’ll read up on “their disease” and “educate themselves” about it, filling their heads with all the terms and technical jargon and statistics so that they can know all about it.  It begs the question: did they do as much for God?  Did they go and search and dig in the Word for His truths and promises and cling to them with as much dedication?  Did they fill their heads and hearts with His truth so they can know all about that?  Did they go after and seek God Himself, fellowship with Him, spend time in His Presence and get to know the One who created them?  They can talk with all knowledge and authority about the sickness but can’t give one scripture regarding God’s will for their health and well-being.  Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

They’ll allow the doctors to poke, prod, cut open, take radiated pictures of their bodies, fill their bodies with man-made chemicals in HOPES that it will work, remove organs and parts…thereby becoming a torn apart and now lesser version of themselves, certainly not any longer how God created and intended them to be.

The success rate of doctors and medication is NOT 100%.  Yet people STILL go despite the risks, of which there are many.  They still take the medicine in desperation for some relief despite the side-effects or that they may have to be on it for life.  So it’s basically managing symptoms, it’s not a remedy.  If they were curative, you wouldn’t need to take them every day for months, years, or even for the rest of your life.

How sad for God, the Creator of our bodies, the One who breathed life into us, who knit us together in our mothers’ wombs, that we trust more in man and his ways than in God and His ways.  How sad for Jesus who took our sin AND SICKNESS (Isaiah 53:5, Matthew 8:16-16; 1 Peter 2:24) upon Himself so that we could be freed from it in our redemption, that He seemingly took it for nothing when we continue to claim sickness and disease as our burden to bear.  Did He not bear it for us?  Would you dare look Jesus in the eye and tell Him, “Well, what You did wasn’t enough to cure what I have and to save me, but thanks anyway.”  Would you say that to Him at the whipping post, blood-covered and unrecognizable, taking stripes for you?

Is it really so much easier to wait weeks for a doctor to see you for maybe an hour, someone who doesn’t really know you, who only hears what you tell them in that short time, then decides for you on your behalf what THEY think is best for you only to shove you out and please come back in 6 months for a checkup (and then have to pay hundreds of dollars for their advice and treatment that may or may not work) than to fellowship with and get to know the Great Physician who already paid for your healing…with HIS LIFE??  You’ve already been bought and paid for, as has your healing.  It’s part of His benefit package when you sign up with Him (Psalm 103:1-5).

Jesus is available 24/7/365.  You don’t need to make an appointment.  It could be 3 in the morning and no one is around but if you seek Him, He will be there.  He’s just waiting for you to take that step.  A decent physician practices medicine to try to help people; Jesus the Great Physician heals people because He LOVES them and gave His life for them.

Let me say that again:  GOD LOVES YOU.  YOU.  YES, YOU.

Which report would you rather hear?

One that says, “Well, we found something and we’re going to have to cut you open, poke around inside your body, remove pieces of you that are sick, stitch your skin back together and then give you medication that may or may not help you and comes with a variety of side-effects that could make you feel bad….”?

Or one that says, “You’re healed.”  ??

I know which one I’d rather hear.  And you can hear it every time you look in God’s word because that’s a promise He gave to us.  Not only that, but one of His redemptive names is Healer, Jehovah-Rapha (Exodus 15:26).  The Hebrew word rapha means: to mend (by stitching), to cure, (cause to) heal, physician, repair thoroughly, make whole.

In the book “The Healing Creed” by Becky Dvorak she writes: “When we preach from human reasoning instead of truth found in scripture, people suffer.  When we put all our faith in the doctor’s report in place of the Bible, miracles cease.  When we trust secular psychology rather than heed biblical counsel, healing is hindered.  We suffer from unanswered prayers when we give in to the world’s system of doubt and unbelief, but we can change that situation around.”

How many times did Jesus say to those who came to Him for healing “your faith has made you whole” or “be it unto you according to your faith”?  So, whose report are you going to put YOUR faith in (Isaiah 53:1)?


(Please, read this carefully and thoughtfully, as I know messages regarding divine healing are very conflict-ridden and cause offense in a lot of people.  Jesus offended a lot of people with it, too, but He loved people too much to be quiet for the sake of keeping the peace.  No, I do not know it all, and yes, I do have my struggles, too, however we must staunchly refuse to let our situations override God’s Word.  Our theology must never be circumstantial but must always line up with His word.  I do recognize that everyone has their own convictions regarding faith and doctors and are in different places in their walks with the Lord and that the Lord can and does meet people where they are in their walk/faith because He is a loving Father who cares for His children.)

God bless,


Some books to consider regarding this subject:

The Bible

Christ the Healer – F.F. Bosworth

His Healing Power – Dr. Lilian B. Yeomans

Healing the Sick – T.L. Osborn

Jesus the Healer- E.W. Kenyon


War: Resistance & Opposition

So, my book is almost ready to be OFFICIALLY PUBLISHED.  My lifelong dream is finally coming to pass, and all because of God.   Ever since I was 10 years old and I wrote my first novel, I wanted to be the “Great American Novelist.”   At 15 when I started writing poetry, I wanted to be a Great American Poet.  Writing and publishing…that’s all I ever wanted to do.  I started quite a few novels in my youth, but I never did finish them.  I had books of poetry and only ever published a few poems.  I had a handful of short stories that I planned on making into a novel, but that never happened, either.

After the birth of my son, the poetry tapered off quite a bit, only a few poems were written here and there as an outlet for my down moments (which is what my poetry always was).  After I got saved, I wrote even less.  I just gave up the dream figuring that my writing was just something that I had as that outlet for my angst and depression and that it was no longer a needed thing now that I had Jesus.

And then, one day, an idea was hatched in my mind for a story.  Four years and 350 pages later, my book is now only a few weeks away from being “official” and I know if it wasn’t for Him that this book would not have been written.  It was Him all the way.  I have felt nothing but excitement over this endeavor but I have realized that the closer I get to the time of my novel going public, the more that some doubts and fear have begun to sneak in.  Doubts over the story, doubts over the plot, fear of people not liking it and speaking poorly about it, or God.

And we’ve already talked about where fear and doubts come from.  Not God.

It’s resistance and opposition from the enemy of our souls to keep us from coming into our God-given callings and dreams because he knows we are going to impact SOMEONE, and he hates that.

Since the beginning of my walk I have experienced quite a bit of resistance and opposition from the enemy.  About six months into my walk, I woke up in the middle of the night and I KNEW that there was a demonic presence in my bedroom.  I was paralyzed with fear. I opened my mouth to rebuke whatever it was and found that I could not speak.  It’s like my mouth was anesthetized and full of glue.  I kept trying and trying and finally I was able to speak and rebuke it in Jesus’ name.  The presence left but from that night forward I was stricken with intense insomnia.  For weeks (maybe even months, I honestly don’t remember) I received maybe 30 minutes of sleep per night.   Thirty minutes (and no, I am not exaggerating, ask my husband).  Do you know what that can do to a person?  I honestly felt like I was going to go insane.

I couldn’t even nap during the day though I tried.  I also tried EVERY natural “remedy” under the sun (herbs, creams, white noise, “sleep-inducing” scents, relaxation music/techniques, vitamins, change of diet, exercise, etc.) as well as a prescription antihistamine (once) and even an Ambien (once, and only once).  I remember at one point I went over 52 hours without any sleep at all.  Eventually sleep began to gradually come back however even to this day I go some of the time sleeping full nights uninterrupted and the other times waking up at least once a night and having to go downstairs on occasion to try and get some sleep…on the couch.

About halfway into writing this novel, I was put under the most intense attack of my life.  I started to be afflicted with almost constant panic and anxiety.  I started manifesting bizarre symptoms that sent me to the E.R. where they put me through a multitude of tests and found…absolutely nothing.  I could barely eat, I could barely function.  I had many prayers prayed for me, many times hands laid on me, I begged, pleaded and cried to God.  The enemy had taken such a hold over my thoughts that suicide crossed my mind on more than one occasion.  I would wake up and the second I was cognizant immediately these thoughts came in: “You’re never gonna get over this.  You’ll never be free of this.  There’s no hope for you.  God isn’t real and if He is, you’re never going to get healed.  It’d be better off if you just died.”  Except the thoughts were in first person, like they were MY thoughts.

I remember I woke up one morning and this one word kept going through my mind: thanatos.  I’d never heard that word before so I looked it up.  It’s the Greek word for death (in Strong’s concordance it’s G2288: death, physical or spiritual.).  Talk about frightening.  The enemy was literally trying to kill me, somehow, someway.

We DO have an enemy, friends, and he is cunning, conniving, wicked, evil, hateful.  He will stop at nothing to stop God’s children from coming into their full identity and inheritance.  He knows your weaknesses so intimately because HE HELPED CREATE THEM.  Isaiah 54:17 says “No weapon formed against you shall prosper.”  The word “weapon” means something prepared and the word “formed” means molded; to determine; to fashion.  Yes, he will prepare weapons against you in the form of a very specific individualized attack based solely on YOU, on your fears, your weaknesses.  Any crack in the foundation is going to be absolutely exploited by him to bring you down.

If it hadn’t been for some very specific things, I would not have recovered from these attacks.

1: Holy Spirit baptism.  Yes, it is for us now; yes, we need it; no, the baptism and its gifts did NOT “die with the death of the last apostle.”  That’s completely unscriptural and just the kind of lies the enemy loves for people to believe for then they are without power.

2: A strong spiritual family and church fellowship.

3: Getting into the Word and digging deep for His truth and applying those truths to my life.  This is where we find out who we are and what His promises are for us.  You want to know God’s will for you?  Read His Last Will and Testament (Bible).

4: God and His faithfulness.  During this time He spoke to me often, gave me many prophetic dreams and patiently loved me into stronger places in my faith.

5: God still worked miracles and healings in my life and still worked healings through me as I stepped out and laid hands on others and prayed for them.  Even though I was in a not-so-good place, even though I may have had doubts for my own self, I never doubted for others and God was so good and faithful to act on His Word and those moments of faith.

GET IN THE WORD.  GET IN HIS PRESENCE.  Praise Him, worship Him, seek Him.  Resist the enemy.  I cannot thank My Lord enough for never giving up on me, for strengthening me, for loving me and for giving me my life-long dream.  I only want Him and more of Him.  I pray the same for you, because it’s in His presence, in that secret place, that we are under His Divine protection and care, our Good Shepherd, our Abba Father.  If we don’t, we are going to be casualties of this war, and that’s not what God intends for us, for you. He said no weapon will prosper, but we can’t act on what we absolutely do not KNOW.  Get into the KNOW, friends, and crush the enemy under foot. STAND.

God bless,


“The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies.”  Psalm 18:2-3



So, it’s been a while since I’ve been here, written anything, or even been inspired to do so.  Aside from the fact that I have just been busy (tis the season) I’ve been dealing with some “issues” that, to be honest, I’ve given a lot of time and attention to.  Focused on.  Some weird symptoms had cropped up that I’ve never before experienced, and right on the heel of those symptoms was THE VOICE.  It began to immediately diagnose me, giving names to what COULD be wrong.  Oh that wretched, hateful diagnostician, always ready to pounce on the heels of any aches and pains, waiting in the wings with a paint brush in hand for just the right moment to begin creating pictures of fear and what-if’s and could it be?  Vivid depictions much like a horror movie begin to play and dance across the playground of imagination all the while backed up with fear and panic for good measure, just to solidify his agenda.

Doubting the Word of God.  Doubting God’s goodness and promises.

Did God really say?  Haven’t we heard that somewhere before???

And I’ve come to realize that these ploys are all just like a magic show….prestidigitation.

Look over here so that you’re not focused on what’s really important: the truth.

The Lord spoke to me through this trial and told me “Daughter, you’re focusing on the wrong things.  You’re trying to go after the fruit (symptoms) but what you should be doing is going after that root.  You can cut away branches all day long but if you leave the roots, the fruit will always come back.”

Yup, more gardening parables.  But He was absolutely right.  And what is my root?

FEAR.  (Shocking, I know.)

Now let me say something about the “roots” of physical symptoms and illnesses.  It’s true.  Stress can do so many awful things to your body.  It can cause your heart to fail, literally.  Fear and panic produces that whole adrenaline “fight or flight” response and if you read about all that that entails, you’ll see just how much these things affect your body.

Dr. Henry Wright wrote a book called “A More Excellent Way: Be In Health” and he goes into great detail about the effects of stress and anxiety and also wrong thinking on a body in every area and facet.  He noted that ALL women who presented cystic breasts and ovarian cysts, for example, had “issues” with their mothers.  “These conditions come out of a break-up of a relationship between a girl and her mother.  Unresolved issues involving a great breach where there is no fellowship.  It extends down to the reproductive area.  It involves a full issue of femininity.”  (page 265)  He states that IBS and all gastrointestinal disorders are always rooted in fear, anxiety and stress.  “Much of the malfunctioning of the gastrointestinal tract is caused by not having peace in your heart regarding issues in your life, with the exception of Crohn’s disease, which is an autoimmune disease.”  (page 211).   This book is full of his research on the correlation between operating in these fashions and the negative effects it has on the body.  The end of the book is chock full of testimonies of those who received complete freedom and healing from their diseases and disorders from being delivered and liberated by God and His truth.

I also recommend reading “Switch on Your Brain” by Dr. Caroline Leaf.  She goes into great detail about the way your THOUGHTS affect you down to the cellular level and how by changing your thoughts you can actually change your genetics.  CRAZY STUFF!  Which means we are NOT victims of an unchangeable force like the world would have you to believe but that we can change our lives by our thoughts.  “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.”  Proverbs 23:7

So, back to my original statement.

God has shown me that my victory comes through defeating that fear personally in my own life.  He has already obtained that victory for me, yes, but I am responsible for applying that truth to my own life.  That means deliberately, consciously CHOOSING at ALL times to trust Him, even when my feelings say otherwise.  It means pushing past the fear, to not let it paralyze me and back me into a corner where I am cowering once again under its shadow.  That means getting into His Word (His promises, which for us are yea and amen) and digging deep to find in there what HE says about me, about my situation, about who I am in Him, about how much He loves me and that I should not fear.

The bible says that our minds are renewed how?  By His Word.  His truth.  Not the world’s version of truth, because the world system is under the influence of the enemy, who is the father of lies.  And we’re so surrounded by those influences every day: tv, radio, news, books, people!  Unless you become a hermit you can’t avoid these things.  But it’s taking the time every day to get into that place with Him, to seek and talk to Him, to worship Him, to know that He is with you ALL THE TIME, even when you don’t feel it.  One of the biggest lessons I have been learning is that if you are going to walk with the Lord, you absolutely CANNOT go by feelings, which has been one of the hardest things for me to be deprogrammed from.  We live in a world that is sense and feeling based.  “How do you feel?”  “I don’t feel in love with him anymore.”  “I feel so angry.”  People of the world are SLAVES to their feelings.  But faith has no feelings, otherwise it wouldn’t be faith.
When Jesus healed someone He never asked, “So, how do you feel now?”  He just said “Your FAITH has made you whole.”  And they were.  Every time.

Have the faith of God. It’s a gift.  Take it.

God bless,


And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”  Romans 12:2

Be not afraid, only believe.”  Mark 5:36

Consulting the Dead

My entire life up until the last decade was pretty crazy. Quite dysfunctional. (And as I sit here typing this, my fingers just froze over the keys, overwhelmed at the thought of telling people anything about my past.) Funny thing: since I have become a Christian I have spent a good portion of this walk absolutely hating who I used to be, have felt deafening shame over my past and all those decisions I made and all those self-destructive things I did. It was tormenting, really, trying to reconcile who I was and who I thought I was supposed to be now as a “good Christian girl.” I tried my damnedest to kill off every part of me and shape myself into what I thought I should look like. I became very inauthentic and it drove my husband crazy. I was also driving myself crazy. I was trying to do God’s work for Him. (Are you thinking to yourself: how’d that work out for ya?)

I was living the try-hard life. The do-more-to-be-more way. Which is exactly how I lived my life up until then. Nothing was ever good enough and I received my validation in what I did not who I was and that attitude carried over into my walk with God. I created this perfectionistic standard by which I thought I needed to live up to in order to look like what I thought me as a Christian should be. So, even though I was trying so hard to bury my old self, I was still consulting that corpse as to how I should react and respond.

That dead girl still had a hold over me.

And she still does.

See, that dead girl lived a life a survival, just trying to live and get by, always wishing for something better but never expecting it. That girl made poor decisions, sought validation in a lot of wrong places, hurt herself and allowed other people to hurt her. Inside, she was still that little girl who only wanted to feel loved, to believe someone truly loved her and cared about her and would protect her but no one ever did, who always felt alone and abandoned and worthless and unlovable. She started writing novels at 10 years old to lose herself in other worlds where she was in control, who began to write dark poetry at 15 as a way to get the pain out, who, at 17 was compared to Sylvia Plath (and for those of you who don’t know, Sylvia killed herself by gassing herself in her oven while her two children slept in another room; she was 30).

That girl left home at the age of 16. Sixteen. (My son is 7 months away from the age I was when I left home. Incomprehensible.) She went from place to place, wherever anyone would take her, never really feeling at home, but always an outsider looking in. That girl went through a depression once so bad that for three months she suffered constant panic attacks, wouldn’t leave the house unless it was to go to work and lost so much weight that people feared for her life (she weighed in at 89 pounds at one point).

I don’t tell you this to make you feel sorry for this girl but only to give you an idea of the kind of person that for some reason I still insist on talking to even though she is dead. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” And Romans 6:6-7 says “Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that from now on we should not serve sin. For he that is dead is freed from sin.”

So, if that part of me is dead, I must be talking to a dead person.

Consulting her like a necromancer.

“What do you think? How should I feel? What does this mean? How should I react?”
I am grabbing that corpse by her tattered collar and asking her for direction. And the enemy is more than happy to oblige that kind of behavior. He cannot manufacture life, but he can certainly counterfeit it. He’s a ventriloquist, speaking to me from that corpse, giving me the answers he wants me to hear. A puppet-master with his hand in the back of that dead shell, making it move and respond, speaking to me through another source like he did with Eve in the garden. And I am listening.

Why? Why do I keep doing this? This is what I really want to know. I mean, if I am to be honest, all my old-nature responses and self-defense mechanisms don’t work, they don’t get me where I want to be but are only tiny little band-aids applied to gaping, infected wounds that desperately need to be HEALED, once and for all. Why am I still so intrigued by and in bondage to these old things when I hate them so much? Can familiarity be the only reason?

I’m praying the Lord will give me an answer but that means I have to want to hear it and be ready to move and act when He tells me what needs to be done. And I pray that Holy Spirit give me the strength I need to do so, because I cannot do this on my own.

The Word says that whom the Son sets free is free indeed and I need to walk out that truth in my life because until then I am a self-contained prisoner, choosing to live in the cell while the door stands open just waiting for me to leave.

God bless,

“And when they say to you, “Inquire of the mediums and the necromancers who chirp and mutter,” should not a people inquire of their God? Should they inquire of the dead on behalf of the living?”  Isaiah 8:19

Hard Confessions

I met a friend for coffee today.  We went to Leaf and Bean (great food and coffee by the way, it was my first time there) and as we sat there for a little more than an hour chatting and catching up, it happened.

Anxiety attack.

It was a “minor” one (i.e. the room swam a bit and I had that strange “detached” surreal feeling wash over me here and there with slight stomach twinges).  I nibbled my sandwich and sporadically sipped my coffee, talking and trying my hardest to focus on my friend and our conversation while the anxious waves came and went.  During the conversation, I mentioned to her that I have struggled with panic/anxiety throughout my life and hey, as a matter of fact, I am struggling with that right now, yes, at this very moment.  She looked at me slightly astonished and said something that has stuck with me all day.  She said that looking at me that she would never have guessed that I was having any anxiety issues, that I seemed composed and fine (not her exact words, but that was the gist).  I told her that I had grown pretty good at hiding it (maybe “stuffing it” would be a better term.) and that I have also struggled with intense, paralyzing phobias as well since I was 11 but that only a handful of people know because I choose to hide it out of shame and embarrassment (I did, however, fail to mention the “eating disorder” that is a byproduct of said issues).

I made it through our lunch date and my friend was so loving and supportive, even stopping to pray over me before we parted ways.  Then I got in my truck and just began to cry, feeling at first disappointed in myself (my initial thoughts after these episodes are usually self-berating because it happened AGAIN and why can’t I lick this thing for the love of Pete?) and I cried all the way to the store, that ugly, chest-hitching kind of sobbing that makes your face puffy and blotchy.  As I was driving and ruminating on what my friend said another thought came to me: Doesn’t that make me a liar?  To hide it and pretend like nothing is wrong, to not talk about it out of shame or fear of what others will think?  To stuff it and try to ignore it and hope it goes away and not reach out for help or someone to just talk to or pray for me?

See, those were learned responses from a lifetime of dysfunction and self-destructive tendencies, of poor choices, of being rejected and mistreated and yes, even sometimes abused (by others and even by my own hand).  It was a mechanism developed to deal and to cope in that world, in that life.

But that can only last so long before the whole structure built on lies and pain comes crumbling down.  There’s only so much you can stuff down before something detrimental happens.  Before the top explodes.

This is what the Lord has been patiently showing me,  that those mechanisms and habits have no place in His children, that those old nature ways and compulsions and behaviors cannot cohabit with His light and Spirit inside of us. Light and dark cannot have fellowship.  Where one is, the other cannot exist.  Over the last few years, this truth has come to a painful head in my life.  I have (almost) daily struggled with the anxiety/panic/phobias for over two years straight now.  This has never happened to me before for such an extended period of time.  It has gotten better as time goes on, but this process seems to be going way too slow for my taste, let me tell you.

It’s like there’s a tug of war between the darkness that has held sway over me for these last 40 plus years, that wants to keep me under lock and key and the Light that loves me intensely and wants nothing more than for me to be free of these things because they’re no longer needed and they’re all based on lies.  I think the hardest part for me is learning this new reality is really real.  My whole life (since birth) has been fear-based, those fears  always being repeatedly reinforced and so those have been my “truths” for my entire existence.  It’s hard to think of or imagine a life without those things being present because that’s all I’ve known and sadly I think we get comfortable in those places even though we say we hate them and want nothing more to do with them.  We don’t know any other way and change can be scary, even if it promises to be good.  You ever watch Shawshank Redemption?  You get so used to living on the inside, being a prisoner, that freedom seems foreign and strangely frightening.

Jesus came to a man at the pool of Bethesda who had been sick with his infirmity for 38 years and He asked him, “Wilt thou be made whole?”   Another translation says “Do you desire to become well?”  This Jesus asks of a man who constantly came and waited by this pool for healing.   It’s telling to hear the man’s response for why he is not healed: because no one helped him into the pool and others just went in before him.  I have to stop and wonder: did he ever ask anyone for help?

I know that what stays in darkness festers & rots but I also am learning that in bringing those crusted, infected wounds into the light is when the healing can truly begin.  It’s just hard to take that first step of being vulnerable and admitting to the dark, sad, imperfect things that are a part of you.  I still don’t want to do it, I hesitate to push the “publish” button for my dirty laundry to be aired for any to read but I also know that when I have heard others admitting to their struggles and being transparent about their truths, I realize that I am not alone. I have felt that way more often than not in the midst of this turmoil, like I am the only one going through this thing and no one would understand.  Yet, one thing the Lord has spoken to me recently is that I need to start being honest: to myself, to Him and to others, because anything else is a lie and I can’t become all He’s called and created me to be if I insist on being a liar.

So, here’s to another step in my journey of healing and change.

No, I do not have it all together even though it may seem I do and yes, I am sorry that I wasn’t honest about it.

Thank you for listening and God bless,



Heavy hearts in heavy times

I have never seen or heard so much hatred in my years of being on social media.  It’s downright disheartening.  It brings me down, grieves my spirit.

I myself have been verbally attacked because I made statements about that very thing (people justifying hate speech).  I was called a p***y (sorry) and told that there’s nothing at all wrong in wishing someone harm or death.  I mean, hey it’s not like they’re going out there and doing it, right?


I was also called out by name (and workplace) on someone’s page for a long-drawn out debate that they had with several other people.  I made one statement to all those other people, naming no one and not even mentioning anything political, and this person decided to call ME out, questioning my “Christianity” then unfriended me.


Needless to say I decided to stop making any such comments on anything relating to this subject.  I have spent more than my fair share of tears over these things and given it all over to the Lord because quite frankly I just can’t hang onto them and let them break my me.  It’s not worth my sanity.

You know, I certainly don’t agree with certain candidates’ policies, beliefs, etc.  I actually think some are downright wicked.  HOWEVER, that in no way gives me the right to go out and start spewing vitriol and nasty remarks about any of them.  To call them names and wish them ill-will, or, God-forbid death.  I mean, why would you do that?

I understand why the world does it, but the church?  Remember, we are here to represent HIM, not ourselves.  We are ambassadors of the Kingdom, of Jesus Christ and all HE stands for.  We can’t bring OUR opinions and biases into these conversations or statements.  What would Jesus say?  We are supposed to be the oracles of God.  Would God call these people degrading names, even if what they have done is evil?  My guess is probably not.

Jesus died for our sins, all of our sins.  He didn’t die for most of them or for a select few. Nor did He give up His life for people who are “worthy.”  Don’t be tempted to play the game “Well at least I never...” because we all have….. in some form or another.  The Bible says there is no one good, no, not one, and we ALL fall short of the glory.  He died for everyone.  EVERY ONE. Yes, even the evil, wicked candidates or politicians or their supporters who speak nasty awful things to those who don’t agree with them.  We should be PRAYING for them, putting them up in intercession before the throne of God and praying for their salvation.  The hardest people to pray for and love are the one’s who need it the most.

I am not saying I am exempt from this myself; Holy Spirit convicted me of this very thing and I am glad He did, because the last thing I want to do is misrepresent my Lord to anyone ever.  We are sometimes the only Jesus that some people will meet…and I want to make sure that I glorify Him in every way.

And not just in these hot, political climes but in every day life with everyone I encounter.  Those people are all an arms-length away from Jesus….in me.  And you.

Vote prayerfully today.  And please, slow down and think before you speak and respond in love. Press into His presence.  Know Him so you can show Him.

God bless, pray always and be safe….


Ephesians 6:12


Go ye, therefore…

I was talking to someone yesterday about the heavily charged atmosphere of these current times, especially when you look at what’s happening in the political spectrum.  We also talked about how “churches” have changed, how they’ve “let go” and now follow after their own wishes and created doctrines, changing their beliefs based on what the world says is acceptable.

So, in this conversation I said, “I feel like there’s a winnowing going on right now in the church.”  The person I was talking to felt the same way.  This is where the chaff and the grain gets separated.  The divide between those who truly stand for Christ and those who only think they do is growing larger and more obvious.

Jesus said you’ll know His people by His fruit.  But it seems that the church has been so diluted in the world’s ways and philosophies that they have no idea what that means or what His fruit is supposed to look like, therefore they cannot make good sound judgments on whose fruit looks like what, least of all their own.  Why is that?

Because they go to church.

Well, you may be asking, isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?  No, actually, it’s not.  See, if you study out the word  for “church” in the Greek, it’s the word ekklesia and it means “called out from.”  It’s speaking about usWE’VE been called out.  Called out of darkness into light, from death to life, from the world system to God’s kingdom, from sinners to saints, from old creatures to new.  Church is not a building, it’s not somewhere you GO, it’s who you ARE.

You’re not supposed to go to church, you’re supposed to BE the church.

Living stones in the temple of God.  A walking sanctuary.  Carriers of God’s presence.  As the Church, you are supposed to be a meeting place where people can come face to face with Jesus.  We are supposed to be imitators of God.  Ministers of reconciliation. What is the Great Commission?  For us to go out and do all that Jesus did, to introduce people to Jesus, the Father and the Holy Spirit.

“And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.”  (Matthew 18:18-20)  And if you read the Gospel of Mark, it says exactly what it is we’re supposed to do as His church (Mark 16:15-20).

It’s so much more than what people think it is or experience it to be.  And they are missing out on a truth that could not only change their lives, but the lives of countless others that need Jesus so desperately.   But that means sacrificing the flesh and all the things that people think they love and need in their lives and that they’d be “missing out.”

Really?  How sad that the gospel has been so watered down and diluted that it’s only about keeping people out of hell.  You know what it’s really about?  Getting heaven into you!

But let me ask you: isn’t He worth the sacrifice?

I hear “Christians” complain all the time about the state of the world and how awful it is….and we the church are supposed to be the change.  We’ve been given the kingdom of Heaven itself and most don’t even know it.

Who will you be?

A church-goer?  Or the Church itself?

“Is what you’re living for worth Christ dying for?”  Leonard Ravenhill


God bless,





Thorns and Thistles

Yesterday was a “weedy” day.

Whatever do you mean, you may be asking.  In my last (and first) entry I spoke about the thought-life and I likened it to a garden.  Bad/negative thoughts = WEEDS.  So, yes, my “garden” was on the tipping point of being overrun by those dastardly, prickly, blood-letting suckers.


To be quite honest, there are sometimes that it definitely feels like an uncontrollable thing.  At one point you may ask yourself, “How did it get so bad?”  Sneaky weeds.  Thanks to the curse, they have NO problem growing at an exponential rate, am I right?  Just ask anyone who gardens.

So, let’s go back to the beginning and look at man in the original garden.  Can we find a parallel there?

First, it says that God gave man dominion over the earth and all things in it.  Dominion = authority.  Remember that.  Genesis 2:15 says: “And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.”  If we look at what the words in the original language mean, you can gain more insight.  First of all, Eden means “pleasure.”  The word “dress” means to work (it) and the word “keep” means to hedge about, protect, attend to.  Ok so protect this garden (a place of pleasure and delight) from what?  From the enemy.  From the one who prowls about seeing whom he MAY devour.  The one who watched man in the garden, seeking out a way to undermine and steal from man the authority and dominion that he himself wanted and tried to overthrow the throne of God to obtain.

Unfortunately, he succeeded.  And how did he do it?  Their thought-life.  Their “mind-garden” so to speak.  He implanted doubts into their minds as to God’s goodness and also to who they were and what they had.  Does that sound familiar?  What should’ve happened was Adam looking at Satan, pointing a finger in his face and telling him to get the you-know-what out of there because he was trespassing.  Adam had the authority to do that and Satan would’ve had to obey.  But because they allowed those “weeds” of doubt and lies to come in and take root, they lost it all and Satan illegally obtained authority over our earth.

And in the process they lost their true pleasure and delight: being at peace and in intimate fellowship with God Himself.  Paradise lost?  More like given away.

Jesus came as the Second Adam and did all that the first Adam should have so that our authority and dominion could be restored through Him.  Thank You Lord.  He was our example in how to deal with the lies and deceit of the enemy: wield the Word with authority and faith, no compromise, no discussion.  But the Word only becomes a weapon when it becomes completely settled in our hearts that it is absolutely true.  Faith sharpens it’s edges and only then we can cut through the thorny, weedy lies of the enemy like a sharp knife through soft butter.

And yesterday, my sword certainly wasn’t as sharp as it could’ve been.  Our enemy is relentless and sneaky and wicked and cruel, yes, but remember that “greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world.”  Sometimes I think we are guilty of putting faith in our faith instead of the One who has given us the gift of faith.  We try to work ourselves up into having more faith instead of seeking the One whom we should have faith in.

So, remember Adam and Eve and their failure to keep and protect their “garden” and be vigilant and persistent in keeping yours.  Don’t let the enemy steal your peace or truth.  Sharpen your sword, seek His face, pull up those God-forsaken lies and remember Philippians 4:6-8.

God bless,


Genesis 3:17B-18: “….cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee……”






A Gardening Parable

So I am just sitting here, twirling my hair (a habit I’ve had since childhood, if you must know), wondering: now what?  Where do I begin?  I’ve got the page set up, I put up some pretty pictures for people to look at, so what do I say ?

Funny, there have been many times where I felt like I’ve had a lot to say that seemed incredibly important and I thought, “Oh, if only I had that blog set up!”.  But, now, sitting here with this vast white space before me, I am…..speechless.

Then, of course there is that little (annoying) voice inside that says that no one is going to be really interested in what I have to say, so why bother?  Who are you, it asks, to publish your thoughts and ideas, to think that any of it matters?  That you matter?  That voice.  I have come to hate that voice but sadly it’s a voice I know all to well, as I am sure many of you do, too.

That voice, it never builds you up but only ever tears you down.  The one whose whispers bring fear, shame, humiliation, defeat, worry, anxiety, panic, mistrust…. you get the idea.  The voice that continually plants the seeds of lies and doubt in your mind and man, do we love to water and feed them.

You ever notice how fast weeds grow?  Pay them little mind and the next thing you know they’ve overtaken the garden. If you’re not right on those suckers, forget it, you’re on your knees weeding all day.  Now imagine how much faster they’d grow if you actually nourished them?  It would completely overtake your entire garden, choking out and killing off anything good and beautiful.  Now, it just full of thorns that prick and draw blood.

This is your mind on gardening, any questions?

Please know that it’s never the voice of God that brings these self-defeating thoughts.  2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says: “(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”

Your mind is the battlefield and there is a war being fought in and over you.

One of my biggest and longest struggles has been in my thought life and the Lord has told me on more than one occasion: “EVERY thought, daughter.  You must measure every thought by My Word, My character. Whatever doesn’t measure up, you must cast out.”  Do you have any idea how many thoughts you have in a day?  Me neither, but it’s a lot.

This means a couple of things:

1: You absolutely must know the Word in order to know what truth is and what to weigh every thought against.  In order to know the Word, you must (intimately) know the Word (Jesus).  Get it?

2: It’s an active, conscious, deliberate thing to check all your thoughts, all day, every day.  It’s amazing how sneaky they (and the enemy) can be when it comes to this soulish part of yourself.  He is an opportunist and will take any and every chance he can get to bring you down and to keep you from knowing the truth of who you are and what God thinks about you. (There is so much I could say and tell you regarding this subject, but it would take far more than one post to talk about the depths of it, I assure you!)

So, as far as this blog goes, heck, if even just one person reads it and is affected, helped or blessed in any way, good.  “That voice” can go take a long walk off a short pier.  And if you’re on this journey with me, then please, know that God loves you and if you want to know who you REALLY are, seek Him and He will surely show you.

I guess maybe I did have something to say after all.  Was it important?  That’s a matter of perception.

God bless.


Mark 4:1-20; Matthew 15:13