The Hem of the Garment

For so long, too long maybe, I’ve equated myself with the woman with the issue of blood.  Have you ever done that?  Related yourself with one of the many that cried out to Jesus, sought Him for a touch, a healing, some deliverance?  Have you ever thought to yourself, “Maybe if I cry out the louder like blind Bartimaeus, I’ll finally get freed of…..?” (insert your personal affliction here) Or “Maybe if my faith was greater my faith would make me whole….”

There’s something in my life, my body, that I’ve been wanting to be freed of.  Something that has, quite honestly, tormented me for the last 35 years.  Something that I’ve recently decided to, beyond a shadow of a doubt, be freed from.  To stand unwavering for.  And as I was doing my hair and making my “faith declarations,” an image of the woman with the issue of blood came to mind.  I pictured her crawling through the crowds on her hands and knees, sneaking her way towards Jesus, weaving between dirty, sandal-covered feet, dust and sand being kicked up into her face as the multitudes thronged Jesus, the whole time saying to herself, “If I may but touch….I will be….”

But then His voice broke in and interrupted my imaginations:  “Are you not wearing a robe now?  Why do you need to ‘touch it’ daughter when you yourself are clothed in something far better and far greater?”  That stopped me in my tracks.  And He began to unravel a truth to me.

He told me that at that moment in that story with the woman, He was just a man in a robe, filled with the Holy Spirit.  (Oh, I know what you’re thinking: blasphemy!  How can you call Jesus just a man???)  But He was the SON OF MAN, who made Himself of no reputation (Phil. 2:7-8; in the Greek it means make empty, abase, neutralize) and had to come as a man to reclaim our stolen authority and dominion.  But I digress…

See, at that time He hadn’t yet laid down His life, shed His blood, the sacrifice hadn’t been made, He hadn’t died & risen, the firstfruits offering had yet to be given…and therefore He hadn’t yet sent His Spirit to abide in His people.  There was no redemption, no reconciliation, no restoration.  He was training His disciples how to go and be and do what He was doing and being, so that they could carry out the legacy once He died and He was no longer physically on the Earth.  He came not only to redeem to but SHOW what the New Creature was supposed to look, speak, act and live like.  He came as our example.

But, once He did die & rise again, once He did send His Spirit, everything changed.

Now there was reconciliation, restoration, salvation, redemption and RECREATION.  Now there was ADOPTION into the Kingdom to become Sons & Daughters.

And now, He said to me, now as a child of the kingdom there is NO reason any longer for me (or any one of us) to relate to that woman, or blind Bartimaeus, or the leper…there was no reason for us to think of ourselves as crawling on our hands and knees towards Him for healing or deliverance.  It’s already been given to us.  It’s our inheritance as Sons.  All that the kingdom has is ours and it’s His good pleasure to give it to us (Luke 12:32).  We have been raised up into the highest position: seated with Christ in heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6).  We are right there, with Jesus, seated at the right hand of the Father!  And yet we picture ourselves crawling and begging and crying out.

We wear the garments of kings and priests because that’s who we are now.  (1 Peter 2:9; Revelation 1:6; Revelation 5:10)

He told me that I (we) now wear a robe – the robe of righteousness!  We are wearing the garment of salvation!  It’s already on us, brethren!  ( I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorneth herself with her jewels. Isaiah 61:10).  It’s the garment that speaks of “christos,” the anointing of the Holy One Himself upon us as HIS BODY here on earth!

But even better than that, He said that I (we) are clothed in Christ Himself!  “For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ.”  Galatians 3:27 (“put on” in the Greek means sinking into a garment, to invest with clothing).  The Greater One lives on the inside of us!  (1 John 4:4)  That I have been endued with power from on high, that I am a temple of the living God, that I house the Spirit of Christ Himself within me….(1 Corinthians 3:16)

And armed with these truths, not only do I not need to position myself with that woman to receive anything of God, but that now, as His temple, as Christ’s body and physical representation on this earth, that people can/should  touch ME and MY garments and be healed and set free.  (I can hear your thoughts:  WOAH, you said.  Bordering on blasphemy again)…but what else are we here for?  He said: “And as ye go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven is at hand. Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils: freely ye have received, freely give.”  (Matthew 10:7-8) See?  His disciples already had their freedom, their deliverance.  Now THEY were to go and give it to others.

All that He came to do, WE’RE to do.  (Mark 16:17-20; Matthew 28:18-20)

He keeps saying to me:  Come up higher, come in closer.  And not that I’m not already there (spiritually) but that I need to get there in MY MIND, to really get and grasp who  I am & what I have as  His.  He’s just waiting for me, for all of us, to realize who we really are now, for us to recognize that reflection of Sonship and Christ-likeness when we see ourselves.  All the earth is groaning, waiting for the Sons of God to manifest (Romans 8:19) because WE hold their freedom in our hands (Matthew 10:7) and we carry the kingdom within us (Luke 17:21).

So get up, rise up, stand up, take your place, know who you are, know WHOSE you are.

Come up higher, come in closer….

What are you waiting for?

Blessings,

Miranda B. mary

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Healed of Cancer & Divine Appointments

I shop at Wegmans…a lot.  I am there sometimes two or three times a week.  And, yes, I have prayed for some people there, sometimes in the aisles, sometimes in the breezeway.  I walk away not ever seeing them again and wondering how they are.

A few months ago, on a Friday morning, I stopped there on my way to work to get my morning latte and as I was walking up to the store I “just happened” to notice a man walking across the parking lot, limping.  (When I say “just happened” what I mean is the Holy Spirit caused me to see him.)  My first thought was “Man, I would love to see him healed.”  And immediately this mocking voice comes crashing in (wonder who that could be) saying “Well, go ahead, sister Christian, go heal him then, you really think you can?  C’mon, go on, do it…”  All laced with doubt and sarcasm.  I told the voice to zip it and went in to get my coffee.  I was in there for about 10 minutes and as I was walking out I look to my left and see that very man walking right beside me.

Now I KNEW.

I say hi and start making small talk with him.  We stop outside and chit chat for a few minutes and finally I say “Listen, what can I pray for you for?  I want to pray for you.  What do you need prayer for?”  I wasn’t expecting what came out of his mouth.  He said “I have cancer. I’ve been struggling with it for 15 years.”  My heart burst with compassion for him but also with love for God because He brought this man to my attention for a reason.  He said that the doctors were concerned about it going into his bones.  I said “Uh-uh, no way, Jesus is going to take care of that.”  I pulled him over to the side and dropped my stuff to the ground and put my hand right over his heart and right there spoke healing, rebuked the cancer, commanded life.

When I was finished I think he was a little flabbergasted and he thanked me, telling me that he had an appointment the following Wednesday.  What timing!  I told him I hoped to see him again to hear that good report.  As I walked to my car, I praised the Lord and thanked Him for healing “R.”  The enemy of course tried to come in with doubt, but I spoke God’s Word…I said “God Your word says if I lay hands on the sick they WILL recover, and I know You are true to Your word, so I believe he IS healed.”  For the next week I took time every day to thank God that “R” was healed, and asked to see him again.

A few weeks later, I made a trip to Wegmans.  I don’t usually go on Monday’s but I decided to go pick up a few things anyhow.  Once there I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen in a while and when we get together we TALK!  I mean, for a while!  So after we caught up, I got my stuff and cashed out.  As I was getting ready to leave, I flip-flop over whether or not to get a coffee and decide what the heck…and who do I see at the buffet on the way there?  “R.”  I was thrilled.  I asked how he was and he said he was ok.  I asked about the doctors and he said they were going to do scans on him to check his “status.”  I said (with total enthusiasm) “Hey, don’t worry, you are going to be just fine.  I know it.  I have no doubts!”  I gave him some encouragement and walked out thanking God again for the opportunity to see him and to be able to reassure him.

So, today, I had a hair appointment at 11:00.  There were a few things I wanted to grab (yes, at Wegmans) and considered going after my appointment but for “some reason” (ahem, Holy Spirit) I felt the urge to go beforehand.  I walked in and headed right for the fresh baked bread and who was standing there in that very spot?  “R.”  I walked up to him and started chatting him up (he is a very quiet and soft-spoken person).  Then I asked, “How are you?  You doing okay?  You been to the doctors?”  He said he had his scans done.  I asked, “And..”

And he said “They were all negative.”  Oh yes, glory to God!  I had to contain myself so as not to freak out my friend.

I said “So you’re all good?”

“For now,” he said.

I said “Oh no, for good!”

“I hope so,” he replied.

“No, you ARE!  Because it’s done and He loves you!”  And then I went on to tell him how I had prayed to the Lord to see him again so I could hear for myself his good report.  I wanted so much to convey to him hope and the love of God for him because he’d been living with this for so long that’s all he knew.  I hugged him and invited him to come see me at work sometime….because I really would love more opportunity to share the love of God with him.

I cried all the way to my hair appointment, for the goodness of the Lord, for “R” and his healing, for God hearing my heart and leading me to those “divine appointments” of seeing him all those times and couldn’t help but to see Holy Spirit’s leading and timing through every one.

And this is the life I want to live….His life lived through me, what He’s given to me I get to go and give.  “And as ye go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven is at hand. Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils: freely ye have received, freely give.” (Matthew 10:7-8)  He told me “Daughter, you don’t NEED healing, you HAVE healing.  You have what they need.  So go.”

To Him be the glory.

Thank You, Lord.  With all my heart.

God bless,

Miranda

The Good Shepherd?

I had a conversation with someone last week and something that was said completely disturbed me.

We were talking about God and suffering and I said that I absolutely do not believe for one minute that God puts suffering/sickness on us to “teach us a lesson” or to discipline us.  Aside from the fact that it is unscriptural (please do NOT mention Job’s boils or Paul’s thorn), it is out of God’s character to do such a thing.  The person I was talking to disagreed with me wholeheartedly and believed that He does do that.   After some back and forth, this person then tells me that they once heard a pastor (well-known) do a sermon on Psalm 23, the shepherd and His sheep.  I’ve personally read “A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23” by Phillip Keller (highly recommended) and couldn’t imagine where they were going with this.

They said that this pastor said sheep are inherently stupid, that they needed to be disciplined (i.e. the rod, of which this person also mentioned the “spare the rod, spoil the child” verse, etc).  This pastor then went on to say that to keep the sheep safe that the shepherd would BREAK THE LEGS of a wayward sheep to keep it from running away from the flock and into danger then he would carry it on his shoulders until it was healed and it would be dependent on the shepherd and never stray again.

I’m sorry…..WHAT?  I was so incensed by this statement because it’s so out of God’s character but I mean… is this what His people are really saying and believing about Him?  Of course I went and researched this statement to see if any of it was true.  Nope.  Not true.  It’s an anecdote pastor’s use.  (To keep this short I’ll paste one of the article links here http://pulpitandpen.org/2014/06/27/the-shepherd-breaking-his-sheeps-legs-myths-thatll-preach/ ).

But let’s say that human shepherds actually DID do that?  What does that say about God?  Would that in any way reflect how Jesus treats us as His sheep?  We have to measure everything against His Word so what does scripture say about the sheep (us) and the shepherds (pastors or God/Jesus Himself)?

First of all, there is a scathing judgment on the “shepherds” of Israel by God Himself in Ezekiel 34.  The first four verses read:

And the word of the LORD came unto me, saying, Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel, prophesy, and say unto them, Thus saith the Lord GOD unto the shepherds; Woe be to the shepherds of Israel that do feed themselves! should not the shepherds feed the flocks? Ye eat the fat, and ye clothe you with the wool, ye kill them that are fed: but ye feed not the flock. The diseased have ye not strengthened, neither have ye healed that which was sick, neither have ye bound up that which was broken, neither have ye brought again that which was driven away, neither have ye sought that which was lost; but with force and with cruelty have ye ruled them.”  (Read all of this chapter, very telling)

Sorry, but to me, breaking someone’s bones to “keep them safe” is forceful, cruel and abusive.  Causing disease and suffering to “work something out” in people’s lives and character is forceful, cruel and abusive.  Let me ask you this:  would YOU do that to someone you love to teach them a lesson?  When children are harmed or beat in the natural, it’s considered ABUSE right?  Well, have you ever thought that maybe their parents are trying to work out some character flaw in them?  I mean, isn’t that what we’re saying about God?  Imagine this:  maybe you see your child is going astray, making poor decisions or acting in ways that are “sinful,”  ways that are going to bring more harm to them in some way….so based on this “logic”, maybe you should afflict them physically, inject them with poison or a disease so that you can “keep them safe” or strengthen their character, teach them a valuable lesson.  And not only that, but then they will come to depend on you as caretaker and parent and it will draw them closer to you.  Then, ultimately you get to decide when they are ready to be healed and restored, if at all.

Ridiculous, isn’t it?  Doesn’t that make you mad?

That would be considered a “captive audience” and God is the Liberator, not the Captor.  How many times does the Word say He came to set the captives free?  “And I will be found of you, saith the LORD: and I will turn away your captivity.”  (Jeremiah 29:14A)  And not only that, but God does not force Himself on anyone, He does not work against someone’s will.  We have free will, we make our own decisions and God cannot and will not go against anyone’s will.

Does that above scenario sound loving to you?  So how can people say that God is love and in the same breath say that God gave them cancer?  Or that He killed someone they love because “He needed them?”  They say it because that’s what they are taught.

Back to scripture.  What about Jesus?  What does HE say about sheep (us) and being the Good Shepherd?

Matthew 12:9-14 – “And when He was departed thence, He went into their synagogue: And, behold, there was a man which had his hand withered. And they asked Him, saying, Is it lawful to heal on the sabbath days? that they might accuse Him. And He said unto them, What man shall there be among you, that shall have one sheep, and if it fall into a pit on the sabbath day, will he not lay hold on it, and lift it out? How much then is a man better than a sheep? Wherefore it is lawful to do well on the sabbath days. Then saith He to the man, Stretch forth thine hand. And He stretched it forth; and it was restored whole, like as the other. Then the Pharisees went out, and held a council against Him, how they might destroy Him.”  Notice: first, the man in the parable did not break the sheep’s legs to teach it to not stray, nor did he leave it in that condition, he went and SAVED IT.  Second, Jesus was talking about HEALING, healing the man, who is better than the sheep!

Luke 15:4-6 – “What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it? And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost.” There is rejoicing over the one found.  Not anger or punishment. He left all the rest of his flock to go and rescue the one who was lost.  Do we not all get lost at times?  Do we not all go astray?  Are we always perfect and obedient?  No.  But God comes through LOVE, His Word, and His Spirit to bring us back to Him.  It’s the LOVE of God that brings people to repentance.

In John 10, Jesus talks extensively about the Shepherd and the sheep.  He says that He goes before the sheep and the sheep follow because they KNOW HIS VOICE.  When He speaks, they hear, they listen.  How does He speak to us today?  Through His Word and His Spirit.  He teaches us to heed His voice only, so that all He has to do is speak and we will listen.  He draws us in through love and trust.  And if the sheep (us) do not listen, if we do stray, we suffer the consequences of our poor decision to leave the safety of our Shepherd’s watch and care.  He doesn’t need to inflict harm on us, we do it to ourselves. And we have an enemy who will take full advantage of our disobedience.

V:10-11 – “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.”

He came to GIVE us life, not take it from us.  That’s Satan’s job and for people to lay blame on God for OUR sickness and suffering is blasphemy.  And if God “uses Satan” to teach us lessons (as some teach), then Satan is not a thief because he’s only doing what he is told and given permission to do.  If he has permission, it’s not robbery.

Jesus gave His life.  He took our punishment; the price was already paid for our sins!  If we need to be continually made to suffer punishment for our wrong doings, then there was no reason at all for what Jesus did.  All the scourging and suffering He endured was all for nothing.

God is love.  Love does no harm.

He mends, He does not break.

God bless,

Miranda

The Great Physician

It amazes me how fast we give up on God.  When He doesn’t “come through” on our time frame or operate under our expectations, we throw up our hands and say “Oh well, wasn’t meant to be” or “must not be God’s will for me” or some other excuse that we come up with that causes us to give up on God’s word, which, by the way, is His truth.  In a way, it’s giving up on God Himself.

Healing is one of the biggest and most divisive subjects in the church that this happens with all the time.  We, as the church, have failed in so many ways regarding this issue.  We have made up bad doctrine and false theologies out of our failures and then tell people “well, it must be God’s will for you to be sick then, oh He is chastening you because you’re in sin, He’s working out a character flaw, He’s testing your faith”…etc. etc…insert unscriptural diatribe here…..  (I could write a whole dissertation on THAT subject, like if it’s God’s will for you to be sick, then don’t pray it away or seek a doctor because then you’d be in rebellion, refuting Paul’s thorn and Job’s boils, but that’s for another day….)

However, they will then quickly go to a doctor and will follow THEIR directions and instructions to the T.  They’ll take the medicine religiously; they’ll read up on “their disease” and “educate themselves” about it, filling their heads with all the terms and technical jargon and statistics so that they can know all about it.  It begs the question: did they do as much for God?  Did they go and search and dig in the Word for His truths and promises and cling to them with as much dedication?  Did they fill their heads and hearts with His truth so they can know all about that?  Did they go after and seek God Himself, fellowship with Him, spend time in His Presence and get to know the One who created them?  They can talk with all knowledge and authority about the sickness but can’t give one scripture regarding God’s will for their health and well-being.  Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

They’ll allow the doctors to poke, prod, cut open, take radiated pictures of their bodies, fill their bodies with man-made chemicals in HOPES that it will work, remove organs and parts…thereby becoming a torn apart and now lesser version of themselves, certainly not any longer how God created and intended them to be.

The success rate of doctors and medication is NOT 100%.  Yet people STILL go despite the risks, of which there are many.  They still take the medicine in desperation for some relief despite the side-effects or that they may have to be on it for life.  So it’s basically managing symptoms, it’s not a remedy.  If they were curative, you wouldn’t need to take them every day for months, years, or even for the rest of your life.

How sad for God, the Creator of our bodies, the One who breathed life into us, who knit us together in our mothers’ wombs, that we trust more in man and his ways than in God and His ways.  How sad for Jesus who took our sin AND SICKNESS (Isaiah 53:5, Matthew 8:16-16; 1 Peter 2:24) upon Himself so that we could be freed from it in our redemption, that He seemingly took it for nothing when we continue to claim sickness and disease as our burden to bear.  Did He not bear it for us?  Would you dare look Jesus in the eye and tell Him, “Well, what You did wasn’t enough to cure what I have and to save me, but thanks anyway.”  Would you say that to Him at the whipping post, blood-covered and unrecognizable, taking stripes for you?

Is it really so much easier to wait weeks for a doctor to see you for maybe an hour, someone who doesn’t really know you, who only hears what you tell them in that short time, then decides for you on your behalf what THEY think is best for you only to shove you out and please come back in 6 months for a checkup (and then have to pay hundreds of dollars for their advice and treatment that may or may not work) than to fellowship with and get to know the Great Physician who already paid for your healing…with HIS LIFE??  You’ve already been bought and paid for, as has your healing.  It’s part of His benefit package when you sign up with Him (Psalm 103:1-5).

Jesus is available 24/7/365.  You don’t need to make an appointment.  It could be 3 in the morning and no one is around but if you seek Him, He will be there.  He’s just waiting for you to take that step.  A decent physician practices medicine to try to help people; Jesus the Great Physician heals people because He LOVES them and gave His life for them.

Let me say that again:  GOD LOVES YOU.  YOU.  YES, YOU.

Which report would you rather hear?

One that says, “Well, we found something and we’re going to have to cut you open, poke around inside your body, remove pieces of you that are sick, stitch your skin back together and then give you medication that may or may not help you and comes with a variety of side-effects that could make you feel bad….”?

Or one that says, “You’re healed.”  ??

I know which one I’d rather hear.  And you can hear it every time you look in God’s word because that’s a promise He gave to us.  Not only that, but one of His redemptive names is Healer, Jehovah-Rapha (Exodus 15:26).  The Hebrew word rapha means: to mend (by stitching), to cure, (cause to) heal, physician, repair thoroughly, make whole.

In the book “The Healing Creed” by Becky Dvorak she writes: “When we preach from human reasoning instead of truth found in scripture, people suffer.  When we put all our faith in the doctor’s report in place of the Bible, miracles cease.  When we trust secular psychology rather than heed biblical counsel, healing is hindered.  We suffer from unanswered prayers when we give in to the world’s system of doubt and unbelief, but we can change that situation around.”

How many times did Jesus say to those who came to Him for healing “your faith has made you whole” or “be it unto you according to your faith”?  So, whose report are you going to put YOUR faith in (Isaiah 53:1)?

daily-bible-verses-of-jesus-healing-the-sick

(Please, read this carefully and thoughtfully, as I know messages regarding divine healing are very conflict-ridden and cause offense in a lot of people.  Jesus offended a lot of people with it, too, but He loved people too much to be quiet for the sake of keeping the peace.  No, I do not know it all, and yes, I do have my struggles, too, however we must staunchly refuse to let our situations override God’s Word.  Our theology must never be circumstantial but must always line up with His word.  I do recognize that everyone has their own convictions regarding faith and doctors and are in different places in their walks with the Lord and that the Lord can and does meet people where they are in their walk/faith because He is a loving Father who cares for His children.)

God bless,

Miranda

Some books to consider regarding this subject:

The Bible

Christ the Healer – F.F. Bosworth

His Healing Power – Dr. Lilian B. Yeomans

Healing the Sick – T.L. Osborn

Jesus the Healer- E.W. Kenyon

War: Resistance & Opposition

So, my book is almost ready to be OFFICIALLY PUBLISHED.  My lifelong dream is finally coming to pass, and all because of God.   Ever since I was 10 years old and I wrote my first novel, I wanted to be the “Great American Novelist.”   At 15 when I started writing poetry, I wanted to be a Great American Poet.  Writing and publishing…that’s all I ever wanted to do.  I started quite a few novels in my youth, but I never did finish them.  I had books of poetry and only ever published a few poems.  I had a handful of short stories that I planned on making into a novel, but that never happened, either.

After the birth of my son, the poetry tapered off quite a bit, only a few poems were written here and there as an outlet for my down moments (which is what my poetry always was).  After I got saved, I wrote even less.  I just gave up the dream figuring that my writing was just something that I had as that outlet for my angst and depression and that it was no longer a needed thing now that I had Jesus.

And then, one day, an idea was hatched in my mind for a story.  Four years and 350 pages later, my book is now only a few weeks away from being “official” and I know if it wasn’t for Him that this book would not have been written.  It was Him all the way.  I have felt nothing but excitement over this endeavor but I have realized that the closer I get to the time of my novel going public, the more that some doubts and fear have begun to sneak in.  Doubts over the story, doubts over the plot, fear of people not liking it and speaking poorly about it, or God.

And we’ve already talked about where fear and doubts come from.  Not God.

It’s resistance and opposition from the enemy of our souls to keep us from coming into our God-given callings and dreams because he knows we are going to impact SOMEONE, and he hates that.

Since the beginning of my walk I have experienced quite a bit of resistance and opposition from the enemy.  About six months into my walk, I woke up in the middle of the night and I KNEW that there was a demonic presence in my bedroom.  I was paralyzed with fear. I opened my mouth to rebuke whatever it was and found that I could not speak.  It’s like my mouth was anesthetized and full of glue.  I kept trying and trying and finally I was able to speak and rebuke it in Jesus’ name.  The presence left but from that night forward I was stricken with intense insomnia.  For weeks (maybe even months, I honestly don’t remember) I received maybe 30 minutes of sleep per night.   Thirty minutes (and no, I am not exaggerating, ask my husband).  Do you know what that can do to a person?  I honestly felt like I was going to go insane.

I couldn’t even nap during the day though I tried.  I also tried EVERY natural “remedy” under the sun (herbs, creams, white noise, “sleep-inducing” scents, relaxation music/techniques, vitamins, change of diet, exercise, etc.) as well as a prescription antihistamine (once) and even an Ambien (once, and only once).  I remember at one point I went over 52 hours without any sleep at all.  Eventually sleep began to gradually come back however even to this day I go some of the time sleeping full nights uninterrupted and the other times waking up at least once a night and having to go downstairs on occasion to try and get some sleep…on the couch.

About halfway into writing this novel, I was put under the most intense attack of my life.  I started to be afflicted with almost constant panic and anxiety.  I started manifesting bizarre symptoms that sent me to the E.R. where they put me through a multitude of tests and found…absolutely nothing.  I could barely eat, I could barely function.  I had many prayers prayed for me, many times hands laid on me, I begged, pleaded and cried to God.  The enemy had taken such a hold over my thoughts that suicide crossed my mind on more than one occasion.  I would wake up and the second I was cognizant immediately these thoughts came in: “You’re never gonna get over this.  You’ll never be free of this.  There’s no hope for you.  God isn’t real and if He is, you’re never going to get healed.  It’d be better off if you just died.”  Except the thoughts were in first person, like they were MY thoughts.

I remember I woke up one morning and this one word kept going through my mind: thanatos.  I’d never heard that word before so I looked it up.  It’s the Greek word for death (in Strong’s concordance it’s G2288: death, physical or spiritual.).  Talk about frightening.  The enemy was literally trying to kill me, somehow, someway.

We DO have an enemy, friends, and he is cunning, conniving, wicked, evil, hateful.  He will stop at nothing to stop God’s children from coming into their full identity and inheritance.  He knows your weaknesses so intimately because HE HELPED CREATE THEM.  Isaiah 54:17 says “No weapon formed against you shall prosper.”  The word “weapon” means something prepared and the word “formed” means molded; to determine; to fashion.  Yes, he will prepare weapons against you in the form of a very specific individualized attack based solely on YOU, on your fears, your weaknesses.  Any crack in the foundation is going to be absolutely exploited by him to bring you down.

If it hadn’t been for some very specific things, I would not have recovered from these attacks.

1: Holy Spirit baptism.  Yes, it is for us now; yes, we need it; no, the baptism and its gifts did NOT “die with the death of the last apostle.”  That’s completely unscriptural and just the kind of lies the enemy loves for people to believe for then they are without power.

2: A strong spiritual family and church fellowship.

3: Getting into the Word and digging deep for His truth and applying those truths to my life.  This is where we find out who we are and what His promises are for us.  You want to know God’s will for you?  Read His Last Will and Testament (Bible).

4: God and His faithfulness.  During this time He spoke to me often, gave me many prophetic dreams and patiently loved me into stronger places in my faith.

5: God still worked miracles and healings in my life and still worked healings through me as I stepped out and laid hands on others and prayed for them.  Even though I was in a not-so-good place, even though I may have had doubts for my own self, I never doubted for others and God was so good and faithful to act on His Word and those moments of faith.

GET IN THE WORD.  GET IN HIS PRESENCE.  Praise Him, worship Him, seek Him.  Resist the enemy.  I cannot thank My Lord enough for never giving up on me, for strengthening me, for loving me and for giving me my life-long dream.  I only want Him and more of Him.  I pray the same for you, because it’s in His presence, in that secret place, that we are under His Divine protection and care, our Good Shepherd, our Abba Father.  If we don’t, we are going to be casualties of this war, and that’s not what God intends for us, for you. He said no weapon will prosper, but we can’t act on what we absolutely do not KNOW.  Get into the KNOW, friends, and crush the enemy under foot. STAND.

God bless,

Miranda

“The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies.”  Psalm 18:2-3

warhelmets

Roots

So, it’s been a while since I’ve been here, written anything, or even been inspired to do so.  Aside from the fact that I have just been busy (tis the season) I’ve been dealing with some “issues” that, to be honest, I’ve given a lot of time and attention to.  Focused on.  Some weird symptoms had cropped up that I’ve never before experienced, and right on the heel of those symptoms was THE VOICE.  It began to immediately diagnose me, giving names to what COULD be wrong.  Oh that wretched, hateful diagnostician, always ready to pounce on the heels of any aches and pains, waiting in the wings with a paint brush in hand for just the right moment to begin creating pictures of fear and what-if’s and could it be?  Vivid depictions much like a horror movie begin to play and dance across the playground of imagination all the while backed up with fear and panic for good measure, just to solidify his agenda.

Doubting the Word of God.  Doubting God’s goodness and promises.

Did God really say?  Haven’t we heard that somewhere before???

And I’ve come to realize that these ploys are all just like a magic show….prestidigitation.

Look over here so that you’re not focused on what’s really important: the truth.

The Lord spoke to me through this trial and told me “Daughter, you’re focusing on the wrong things.  You’re trying to go after the fruit (symptoms) but what you should be doing is going after that root.  You can cut away branches all day long but if you leave the roots, the fruit will always come back.”

Yup, more gardening parables.  But He was absolutely right.  And what is my root?

FEAR.  (Shocking, I know.)

Now let me say something about the “roots” of physical symptoms and illnesses.  It’s true.  Stress can do so many awful things to your body.  It can cause your heart to fail, literally.  Fear and panic produces that whole adrenaline “fight or flight” response and if you read about all that that entails, you’ll see just how much these things affect your body.

Dr. Henry Wright wrote a book called “A More Excellent Way: Be In Health” and he goes into great detail about the effects of stress and anxiety and also wrong thinking on a body in every area and facet.  He noted that ALL women who presented cystic breasts and ovarian cysts, for example, had “issues” with their mothers.  “These conditions come out of a break-up of a relationship between a girl and her mother.  Unresolved issues involving a great breach where there is no fellowship.  It extends down to the reproductive area.  It involves a full issue of femininity.”  (page 265)  He states that IBS and all gastrointestinal disorders are always rooted in fear, anxiety and stress.  “Much of the malfunctioning of the gastrointestinal tract is caused by not having peace in your heart regarding issues in your life, with the exception of Crohn’s disease, which is an autoimmune disease.”  (page 211).   This book is full of his research on the correlation between operating in these fashions and the negative effects it has on the body.  The end of the book is chock full of testimonies of those who received complete freedom and healing from their diseases and disorders from being delivered and liberated by God and His truth.

I also recommend reading “Switch on Your Brain” by Dr. Caroline Leaf.  She goes into great detail about the way your THOUGHTS affect you down to the cellular level and how by changing your thoughts you can actually change your genetics.  CRAZY STUFF!  Which means we are NOT victims of an unchangeable force like the world would have you to believe but that we can change our lives by our thoughts.  “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.”  Proverbs 23:7

So, back to my original statement.

God has shown me that my victory comes through defeating that fear personally in my own life.  He has already obtained that victory for me, yes, but I am responsible for applying that truth to my own life.  That means deliberately, consciously CHOOSING at ALL times to trust Him, even when my feelings say otherwise.  It means pushing past the fear, to not let it paralyze me and back me into a corner where I am cowering once again under its shadow.  That means getting into His Word (His promises, which for us are yea and amen) and digging deep to find in there what HE says about me, about my situation, about who I am in Him, about how much He loves me and that I should not fear.

The bible says that our minds are renewed how?  By His Word.  His truth.  Not the world’s version of truth, because the world system is under the influence of the enemy, who is the father of lies.  And we’re so surrounded by those influences every day: tv, radio, news, books, people!  Unless you become a hermit you can’t avoid these things.  But it’s taking the time every day to get into that place with Him, to seek and talk to Him, to worship Him, to know that He is with you ALL THE TIME, even when you don’t feel it.  One of the biggest lessons I have been learning is that if you are going to walk with the Lord, you absolutely CANNOT go by feelings, which has been one of the hardest things for me to be deprogrammed from.  We live in a world that is sense and feeling based.  “How do you feel?”  “I don’t feel in love with him anymore.”  “I feel so angry.”  People of the world are SLAVES to their feelings.  But faith has no feelings, otherwise it wouldn’t be faith.
When Jesus healed someone He never asked, “So, how do you feel now?”  He just said “Your FAITH has made you whole.”  And they were.  Every time.

Have the faith of God. It’s a gift.  Take it.

God bless,

Miranda

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”  Romans 12:2

Be not afraid, only believe.”  Mark 5:36

Consulting the Dead

My entire life up until the last decade was pretty crazy. Quite dysfunctional. (And as I sit here typing this, my fingers just froze over the keys, overwhelmed at the thought of telling people anything about my past.) Funny thing: since I have become a Christian I have spent a good portion of this walk absolutely hating who I used to be, have felt deafening shame over my past and all those decisions I made and all those self-destructive things I did. It was tormenting, really, trying to reconcile who I was and who I thought I was supposed to be now as a “good Christian girl.” I tried my damnedest to kill off every part of me and shape myself into what I thought I should look like. I became very inauthentic and it drove my husband crazy. I was also driving myself crazy. I was trying to do God’s work for Him. (Are you thinking to yourself: how’d that work out for ya?)

I was living the try-hard life. The do-more-to-be-more way. Which is exactly how I lived my life up until then. Nothing was ever good enough and I received my validation in what I did not who I was and that attitude carried over into my walk with God. I created this perfectionistic standard by which I thought I needed to live up to in order to look like what I thought me as a Christian should be. So, even though I was trying so hard to bury my old self, I was still consulting that corpse as to how I should react and respond.

That dead girl still had a hold over me.

And she still does.

See, that dead girl lived a life a survival, just trying to live and get by, always wishing for something better but never expecting it. That girl made poor decisions, sought validation in a lot of wrong places, hurt herself and allowed other people to hurt her. Inside, she was still that little girl who only wanted to feel loved, to believe someone truly loved her and cared about her and would protect her but no one ever did, who always felt alone and abandoned and worthless and unlovable. She started writing novels at 10 years old to lose herself in other worlds where she was in control, who began to write dark poetry at 15 as a way to get the pain out, who, at 17 was compared to Sylvia Plath (and for those of you who don’t know, Sylvia killed herself by gassing herself in her oven while her two children slept in another room; she was 30).

That girl left home at the age of 16. Sixteen. (My son is 7 months away from the age I was when I left home. Incomprehensible.) She went from place to place, wherever anyone would take her, never really feeling at home, but always an outsider looking in. That girl went through a depression once so bad that for three months she suffered constant panic attacks, wouldn’t leave the house unless it was to go to work and lost so much weight that people feared for her life (she weighed in at 89 pounds at one point).

I don’t tell you this to make you feel sorry for this girl but only to give you an idea of the kind of person that for some reason I still insist on talking to even though she is dead. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” And Romans 6:6-7 says “Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that from now on we should not serve sin. For he that is dead is freed from sin.”

So, if that part of me is dead, I must be talking to a dead person.

Consulting her like a necromancer.

“What do you think? How should I feel? What does this mean? How should I react?”
I am grabbing that corpse by her tattered collar and asking her for direction. And the enemy is more than happy to oblige that kind of behavior. He cannot manufacture life, but he can certainly counterfeit it. He’s a ventriloquist, speaking to me from that corpse, giving me the answers he wants me to hear. A puppet-master with his hand in the back of that dead shell, making it move and respond, speaking to me through another source like he did with Eve in the garden. And I am listening.

Why? Why do I keep doing this? This is what I really want to know. I mean, if I am to be honest, all my old-nature responses and self-defense mechanisms don’t work, they don’t get me where I want to be but are only tiny little band-aids applied to gaping, infected wounds that desperately need to be HEALED, once and for all. Why am I still so intrigued by and in bondage to these old things when I hate them so much? Can familiarity be the only reason?

I’m praying the Lord will give me an answer but that means I have to want to hear it and be ready to move and act when He tells me what needs to be done. And I pray that Holy Spirit give me the strength I need to do so, because I cannot do this on my own.

The Word says that whom the Son sets free is free indeed and I need to walk out that truth in my life because until then I am a self-contained prisoner, choosing to live in the cell while the door stands open just waiting for me to leave.

God bless,
Miranda

“And when they say to you, “Inquire of the mediums and the necromancers who chirp and mutter,” should not a people inquire of their God? Should they inquire of the dead on behalf of the living?”  Isaiah 8:19